Invisible Illness

1. The illnesses I live with are: bipolar disorder type 2, borderline personality disorder, provisional diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2009

3. But I had symptoms since: Childhood signs of some BPD, but mostly since age 17, on first 2 counts

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: learning to distance myself from difficult situations and people, times where it would trigger rage or severe fear of abandonment

5. Most people assume: that I'm just not sucking it up enough, or that I just have a bad attitude and I'm seeing reality all wrong (guess what...this IS my reality).

6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up while on an antopsychotic. makes me so sleepy.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: House

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Laptop

9. The hardest part about nights are: calming down my nerves which give my stomach the butterflies feeling, which is much easier on the Risperdal

10. Each day I take _2_ pills & vitamins. I cut out my other stuff, this may change starting Tuesday when I see the doctor again. 2 isn't bad. Risperdal and a B complex.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: think they can be helpful but I'm not willing to go off all medications due to the symptoms of the disorders

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Visible, just non psychiatric. People with psychiatric diagnoses often get told they're lazy, whiny, etc. They aren't "real" disorders.

13. Regarding working and career: Sometimes I need to stop the obsessive cycle of thoughts that is making me anxious, and I take Xanax mostly at work to calm myself down.

14. People would be surprised to know: I can only control so much, and some of my actions are truly beyond my control.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That medication doesn't help BPD too much....it involves learning effective coping skills. Shoot. No easy answer there.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: be a good teacher.

17. The commercials about my illness: make it seem so cut and dry.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Nothing, because most of these symptoms have been present for as long as I can remember.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: nothing.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: meditating with more purpose

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: say what I need to say when I need to say it without the fear of that person abandoning me forever

22. My illness has taught me: that our bodies are imperfect and so are medications

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: telling me that I'm just seeing it wrong, and I need to have a better attitude.

24. But I love it when people: ask me what I need, how they can help, and ask me to explain myself so that they can understand more, and don't judge me when I answer honestly.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Your silence will not protect you." I know I need to speak up and advocate for myself.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: that there is hope, but nothing is perfect.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: the side effects of medication can be so crazy.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: BFF agreeing to have child-free time with me once a week.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I have recently been diagnosed with invisible illnesses.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: grateful for people who don't just write me off as a crazy unstable confused-about-religion/sexuality/life person