half and half

Since I left you with such a gloomy last post, I feel I should write a happy one. Sorry! Well, there is a happy part. I'll leave that for the end. That way it ends well.

I'm starting a mood stabilizer. My doctor practically made me pinky swear I wouldn't have unprotected sex with men simply because of the very high rate of birth defects. I told her I was women only for right now. I'm not closed to men in general, but I might be right now. I can be attracted to a few, but the idea of sex with them isn't always a great thought for me. But that is beside the point. This medicine helps mostly with bipolar depression instead of hypomania. But conceivably, I could just take my antipsychotic when I'm hypomanic. Hypomania is low grade mania. Mania is what most people think of when they think of bipolar. And that;s bipolar 1. I have bipolar 2, more depression. This CAN cause a really bad rash so we're starting slowly. I'm hoping it doesn't happen. I should have chosen the other one instead, the one that's better for mixed episodes. But hey. I made a call and I will see how this works. I also have to give up caffeine, mostly. It makes my inner commentary worse and revs my mind up. I hadn't even though of cutting out caffeine. It seems to be helping.

But I'm really in a low right now. And the weather being colder and grayer is making it worse. My sleep is screwy. I get hypomanic in the winter. Most people get depressed. I get hypomanic. Irritable and sleepless. Guess that's my cycle.

Why so honest? I need SOMEwhere to talk about this really personal stuff. I really do. And this way it is recorded.

Good news? S used sign language! S is usually off in what we call S-land. I don't know where she goes, but she goes places and we lose her for a while. Also keep in mind that as well as working with a few kids with autism, all my students have a moderate or severe cognitive impairment. She always shoves her Doritos and strawberry milk in my face to get me to open them. She is a very picky eater. I got tired of this and showed her the sign for help. She used it and I opened her milk. Then, SPONTANEOUSLY, today she used it twice! I didn't even have to prompt her with "ask for help" or something similar. She used to talk more, but for whatever reason, she lost some of that. It's rolling around in there somewhere, but I don't know how to get it back out.

The SLP wants me to use picture symbols with her, which is fine, and she didn't seem pleased I was using sign language. But I use it in my teaching all the time, so if she's picking it up, and communicating, I'm all for it. I'm doing the picture symbols too.

Anyway, so gloomy, then happy. Yay for me. And yay for S.

Also, I ate half a bag of caramel corn rice cakes last night. Don't judge me. They were delicious.