Wednesday, October 21, 2009

shifting

My gender expression is shifting again. I feel really uncomfortable if I wear button down shirts anymore, at least without them being open with a T shirt underneath. I feel like with my short hair, those two things make me look so masculine and right now, that's an uncomfortable feeling. This is so strange, because that's exactly why I wanted those shirts. I just feel like right now I want to look more feminine. I don't want to look masculine. I can either look badass, or feminine. Nothing else. I can't explain it, but that's what I feel like and I have to do what makes me comfortable. But even when I say feminine, I don't mean very feminine. But, moreso than before I guess. I'm wearing more makeup, but my uniform is still khakis and T shirts, I'm just letting up on the button downs and not using my tie as an accessory as often. I don't really understand this, but I am just going with my gut. I've enjoyed feeling "pretty" lately.

Also, I feel fine. I am so mad I have to take 5 days off of school just for this. I'm only really taking the days off because I'm contagious and it's already widespread. If I felt like this normally, I'd be at school. As a new teacher, I don't have many sick days used up. I'm so bored. Today I am putting on a mask and driving to get Taco Bell. It's not exactly healthy, but I'm tired of chicken soup and orange juice, and I have zero stomach issues. And I'm dying to leave the house. I'm glad my dad bought me some crossword puzzles. That has helped. And I still have a few shows to watch on On Demand. I should be sleeping to get myself better faster, but I'm wide awake. I think the confinement hasn't helped, but I also think I'm getting a little hypomanic. I'm full of energy now. I should be sleeping a lot because my body is healing but instead I'm only sleeping with the help of my codeine cough medicine. I don't know what my deal is.

I AM SO BORED. Time to take a shower and eat some chicken soup. I will get my unhealthy food for dinner.

3 comments:

Gina said...

I am SO bored too! I don't feel 100% but I don't feel awful. Enjoy your Taco Bell. I am already thinking about dinner too. I think I'll do chicken in the Crock Pot, just because I am home and I can. LOL. Hang in there.

Pete said...

I'm not sure how far along you are in fighting this bug off, but let me know if you need anything picked up from the store or something. I'm sure it can be arranged. Take care, friend. Praying for you.

Miss Emily said...

Pete for some reason that just made me cry. Thank you.

Gina: I hope you can get back to school soon! But just think about how much safer our students are because we're home bored with our germs.