Monday, July 27, 2009

Biphobia

I read this story on The Lesbian Lifestyle blog tonight. I know I'm not lesbian, but I follow a lot of lesbian blogs just the same. It sounds like this woman is proud of herself for being who she is, and I respect that. What bothers me is that she implied that bisexual = casual encounters and that she could never be happy with a bisexual woman. I've never understood the rampant discrimination against bisexuals in the lesbian community. What exactly did we DO to make you distrust us so much? There are bisexuals who are only looking for casual things and bisexuals looking for relationships. There are lesbians in both groups too. People of every orientation. I just don't get it. I know lesbians who simply refuse to date bisexuals on principle. Why would you do this? If we have common interests, and we want to be involved in the same communities you are, and we want to date you and only you, what's the problem? Maybe there's some valid reason I've never heard, but to equate the entire group by saying they just want encounters rather than relationships is ignorant. Let's not divide our community. We suffer enough discrimination as it is.

6 comments:

ladybrettashley said...

oooh, this shit pisses me off to no end! i don't id as bi (for sort of nuanced reasons that happen to *not* include "i'm not attracted to men"). but, anyhow, it makes me seriously angry (i used to argue with the ex regularly about her biphobia).

see, slutty is slutty, and thank-you-very-much i can be slutty while *only* sleeping with women if i prefer.

and, more importantly, there is a difference between relationships and attractions! if i am in a monogamous relationship - that is that no matter who i am attracted to. i can be attracted to every person who crosses my path and if i'm true to my girl, what the fuck does it matter?

ugh. incoherent, sorry. i may have to process this at more length elsewhere, but 'till then, it's my bedtime.

Miss Emily said...

Sometime, if it's not too personal, could you talk about your personal definition of bisexual? Or, well, why you aren't? Not if it's too personal, I'm just curious. The whole concept of orientation is complex, and there is choice involved which is why I also use the word preference sometimes.

Thanks for the backup. You're absolutely right about relationships vs. attractions.

alphafemme said...

I'm a lesbian and I've always been reeeeally bothered by this biphobia too. My girlfriend has said things before that sound suspicious, so I asked her, and she said "well my ex broke my heart and left me for a man." And while I understand that that's heartbreaking, why is it different than being left for another woman? Or at least, once you've acknowledged that the feeling is different, and that maybe it's because it feels like a dismissal of your entire being, can't you see that that's about YOU and not about her? She's just moving on to someone she loves (even if it is an asshole thing to do to break up with someone FOR someone else, no matter the gender)...

Don't know if I'm making *any* sense, haha, but it always strikes me as SO hypocritical when lesbians turn around and marginalize bi women from our community. It's like this purity contest, and if you don't make the cut, sorry, you're out of the club. Grrrr.

alphafemme said...

...I should clarify that by "dismissal of your entire being" I mean that since lesbians (and all women-loving women) are marginalized and rendered so invisible by society, being left for a man might increase the feeling of invisibility and insecurity about being in an oppressed minority. but that feeling is NOT about the person who is bi, it's about the oppressive heteronormative society that makes women-loving women invisible in the first place.

ladybrettashley said...

oh, yes, i'll work on that. it has something to do with the way the dictionary definitions fail to coincide with popular interpretations of words

again, that probably doesn't make any sense. i'll work on it =)

B said...

great post.