Friday, June 19, 2009

OK, I'm tired of being vague. This is MY place to be open, my place to rant, my place to explore my feelings. I created this blog so that I could be raw and honest and talk about what's going on in my head, and my deep dark secrets. So, basically, P: you've been forewarned. If reading all this personal stuff makes you feel all funny, can't say I didn't tell you this was personal.

Let me ask you all something. I know some of you are in committed relationships that are so filled with love and respect. I admire you for it. I want to get married. Maybe not today, but someday in the next few years. When you started dating, how did it start, exactly? How does on begin something? I'm not one to jump into things a whole lot, I take things very slowly in the physical area, with good reasons I may explain someday (ex, lots of trauma, date rape, etc. etc., I have a draft in my folder so I can explain this on here later) but when I like someone, I want to get to know them. A lot. Quickly. But I know not everyone is the same. When I dated Cat last summer, we had already established our mutual affection. So we were just furthering it. That's what I'm used to, I suppose. This is how my friends date.

I just need thoughts from other people. BFF isn't a lot of help in the experience department because she and The Husband were serious quickly, and he was her first serious boyfriend. My dad has been extremely helpful in terms of general advice, but not so much from personal experience. Mom's advice was seriously crazily bold and while that's like her, it's not like me. I may be acting like a little 13 year old (I'm even annoying myself), but I'm still me, and I'm not bold. I hint. I'll hint until I am blue in the face, but never really say a whole lot. Maybe I'm not as subtle as I think, but either way, if I'm with someone else subtle, nothing gets said!

I don't deal with uncertainty well. Am I the only one who hasn't outgrown it? I'm 25, and I'm running through things in my head like I'm in high school. What is the DEAL? I've had to practice clearing my head lately. In the past, I pierced something, tattooed something, done something else because adrenaline cures the panic, and I fall into a deep sleep. Turns out it's not a responsible way to cure stress. Instead I went to church and tutored a student and made an attempt at making REAL food and using a new recipe.

Anyway, back to my purpose. How did you start dating? Why? If you made mistakes, what's a better way of going about it? I've never been compatible with the stereotypical lesbian standard of the U-Haul. Maybe that's why I'm not a lesbian. Kidding. Really, I am. Keep in mind that I have love before sex, so that might affect responses/advice. Not that I'm judging other people, this is just me and how I work.

5 comments:

ladybrettashley said...

hmm, i'm not sure my experience will be very relevant, but the uncertainty comment caught my interest. there was a lot of self-inflicted uncertainty in the pre-dating part of our relationship (and perhaps more it the "wait. are we dating?" part, but that's an issue that tends to come along with the sex-before-intimacy framework, so...)

we spent probably the entire 6 months we were friends before dating in that awkward mutual-attraction stage. we were both fairly recently broken-up, and i was being recklessly single, and didn't want to hurt her by getting involved while i was still feeling very casual and non-committal about everything. i actually put a fair bit of effort into us *not* getting together for a while.

that went down the drain one night after a drag show and (i swear, really) innocent offer for her to crash at my place rather than a long drive home. also alcohol. and, i think, some very mild scheming on her part. best mistake i ever made *g*

don't know that that much relates, but since you asked...;)

Miss Emily said...

I hate the "wait, I need to know what on earth is going on so I can get my bearings here" thought train. I suppose because I've never intentionally waited, it's all a bit confusing for me. As in, I am completely in the dark flailing around like an idiot. Combined with my teenage giggling, I'm quite a sight, flailing and giggling. And like I mentioned, I'm not one to just come out and say things (though I'm getting better) but what if no one does? Did you ever really have a conversation or was it just assumed?

Way to wait to get together. I, uh, can relate.

The innocent offers...they'll get you! Especially after drag shows.

Thanks for the thoughts.

ladybrettashley said...

oh! flailing and giggling, that does sound familiar ;) i am the absolute worst at communication when it involves confusing stuff like emotions. i'm getting better, thanks to her. but, yes, we did have real discussions about where things were/were going - all instigated by her, i'm sure.

ladybrettashley said...

oh! flailing and giggling, that does sound familiar ;) i am the absolute worst at communication when it involves confusing stuff like emotions. i'm getting better, thanks to her. but, yes, we did have real discussions about where things were/were going - all instigated by her, i'm sure.

greg said...

I realized that I was in love with gf when it physically hurt to be away from her. We kept finding ways to be together but I knew that it was more than friendship before she did and in fact I sat her down and explained it to her. :) I was married at the time and neither of us had ever been with women so it was quite a bit to explain.

I believe in being straight forward and in taking chances because I'd rather be hurt by something not working out than to never have experienced something that could have been wonderful. Take the chance is my advice to you. Have no fear b/c it all goes by too fast and regrets just suck.